My ongoing worldview shift
Smoothest one yet
Category: sharing in public
In my stoa session, I was talking about how worldviews tend to form connections to vulnerable emotional areas. I thought of this in terms of beliefs getting “tangled up” in emotional processes.
Some days ago I talked to a friend who found a different way to think about this. In his view, worldviews are formed to fulfil emotional needs. One such need is the need to understand things, leading towards trying to accurately model the world. Other such needs involve a sense of safety, meaning and similar. Worldview-assisted coping.
So what happens when some of the worldview-supported needs get fulfilled without using the worldview?
Keeping a “biased” worldview running requires effort.1 Once needs are met without the worldview, less effort is put into guarding it. The worldview-holder opens up for change, and the worldview starts loosening up.
Once the worldview loosens up and starts shifting, a lot of things become unstuck. It's like the foundation of a house starting to slide, bringing the rest of the house along for the ride.
Now some of you may ask: “What happened to your humility? These are some big, general claims about psychology, with almost zero citations!”
My reply: “Ooops”.
This critique is justified. The start of this post reads like a general theory of development.2 The model feels true, but unfortunately, I’m but a monkey who thinks everyone is like me.3
The ideas shared above are useful to me. They help me make sense of my ongoing worldview shift.4 In the best of worlds, this model is relatable to you and you find value in the perspectives presented. Regardless, I want to tell you more about what I’ve been up to, and what my worldview shift is like!
My worldview is heavily influenced by the rationality movement, as well as Stoicism. Recently, I’ve added some metamodern ideas, hippie vibes and post-rationalist influence. I like this worldview in general, it feels flexible and helps me make sense of things. I’m fairly good at integrating new ideas and seeing the perspectives of others. It has also supported me emotionally by making me feel Very Special.
Why do/did I have an emotional need to feel Very Special? Besides cultural influence,5 it’s a suitable coping mechanism for me. I grew up disconnected from my emotions6 and struggled to fit in. I’ve always been weird to varying degrees, neurodivergent across a few different axes. I was often praised for my intelligence, which led me to develop a sense of superiority. I convinced myself that I was simply uninterested in others, rather than admitting I didn’t know how to relate to them.7 In retrospect, it's not strange that I've been writing so much about prestige, judgement and a strive towards kindness.
I still enjoy the mental frameworks and tools from this worldview, but I’m starting to let go of my emotional attachment to it. This has led to a number of subtle changes in how I relate to existence. I trace this shift back to two major sources of influence:
First off, I went to a men's retreat8 where I was celebrated for my strengths, and supported in my weakness. I felt accepted and included, helping me drop the shield of superiority.
Secondly, I started reading David Chapman's works.9 He gives an outside view on rationality, treating it as a useful tool rather than the supreme standard we ought to conform to. Reading Chapman’s writing has helped me realize that I’ve been emotionally attached to some rationalist beliefs, treating them as Truths rather than useful models.
The men’s retreat brought calmness and comfort, reducing my need to guard myself using a sense of superiority. Chapman’s work started poking at my deeply held beliefs. Seeing as I had less of an emotional need to keep them protected, things started shifting. This is very much a change-in-process.
Things do feel a bit groundless but in a good way! This has been one of the most comfortable shifts as of yet, feeling more like accepting something I’ve known “in my head”, but on a felt-sense, embodied level. I’m feeling relaxed and happy, and enjoy processing while savouring Swedish summer.
Now, I’d like to tell you about some of the changes I’ve experienced thus far!
The first change is a big one, I think it will have a lot of impact on how easily I can relate to others. Basically, I’ve noticed less of an urge to correct people.10 Some days ago, a conversation partner said “That depends on what you mean by ‘intelligence’, do you mean kinaesthetic-, social- or cognitive intelligence?”. Historically, this would have resulted in me ranting. When I use the word “intelligence”, I refer to whatever is measured by the g-factor (IQ). Unlike “EQ”, IQ is consistently measurable and correlates with a wide range of positive outcomes.
Now, does this matter? Potentially, but not really that much.11 Instead of arguing, I choose to let it go. My guess is that models of multiple kinds of intelligence are a way to support people and make everyone feel included.12 It’s a socially smooth opinion to have, expressing it makes you sound agreeable and empathic. Picking models of the world based on agreeableness rubs me the wrong way,13 but with less of a need to establish superiority, I could let it go.
Besides becoming less of a contrarian14, I’ve managed to drop my performance anxiety a few notches. When I fixated on being Very Special, it was important to me to be on a big mission - a hero’s journey. Now, I find myself able to relax and enjoy the sun.
I still sometimes daydream about being Chosen for Great Things and being a key player in resolving Big Problems. I am slightly amused by this and simultaneously want to work towards a world that doesn't rely on the actions of a powerful few.
I've started putting more importance on things being enjoyable, going from an almost ascetic approach to The Great Mission towards trying to mix enjoyment of the here-and-now with usefulness for others.
Moreover, my work situation has changed for the better. Historically, I’ve been reluctant to join group planning meetings, seeing them as a waste of time. I’ve started having more patience to explain my ideas to others and find more value in others’ comments and feedback. Historically I’ve been a bit of a diva, neglecting parts of work I’ve found boring and surfing on my programming skills.15
It feels quite relaxing to slow down and start collaborating more, stop trying to do everything perfectly myself and instead try to optimize for a good enough group flow. Life gets easier when I go the route of collaboration and mutual support.
I’ll stop sharing here, though I’m sure more things will pop up as I give things a bit more time. I’ve struggled for some time to capture recent changes within a narrative and feel blessed that I have great conversation partners that help me along. I’m curious about what more things will pop up in the future.
Now I’ll go enjoy the sun. Take care!
Deluding yourself using motivated reasoning requires motivation :D
A field full of badly supported research…
I'm pretty sure you can fight the “sliding house” rampaging through your worldview by compartmentalizing, for instance.
Adding a bit of narrative structure is good for a sense of meaningfulness. I don’t know if it contributes to my current good mood, or if that’s just the summer sun.
Don’t have sources, but I’ve heard for sure that a lot of people talk about widespread narcissism.
(=alexithymia)
To be fair, I might not have gotten along with many of them, but the fact that I couldn’t and then deceived myself about it is a thing here. Well, I was a kid.
Many thanks to The ManKind Project.
Sign up here: https://www.mkpnordic.org/nwta/
metarationality.com and meaningness.com are the main ones I’ve been focusing on.
My partner was more intrigued by “Buddhism for vampires”.
What emotional need underlies contrarianism?
Intelligence is commonly seen as a rather rigid character trait, similar to height. IQ is fairly rigid (with a smaller liquid component). I would argue that social intelligence is not like this. I’ve gone from very socially inept to fairly smooth, and I’m continuing to develop.
Talking about “social intelligence” might lead people to think that they are rigidly socially inept, and unable to improve.
unless they suck at things across the board.
I can try making an argument here, but I keep second-guessing myself. In the case of transpeople, I wholly agree that we should fit the categories to serve people (i.e. adopt a definition of gender that make the lives of human beings easier). I don’t know how I can square this with the idea that multiple intelligence models are bad. Maybe there is no general rule?
Anyway, enough of this example!
= person that easily/habitually disagrees
Now, I am rather good at programming, but this approach is not good for spotting unknown unknowns, or knowledge sharing.
Mm, worldview-assisted coping, I like that idea. Checks out for me