Yesterday's ideal self is bullshit
Just like your identity
I have relaxation and a sense of energy running through my chest. Yesterday, I got asked the question “If you fully showed up in life, what would that look like?”. As I answered it, I felt like I was turning into the answer-version of myself. I still feel like that version.
If I take a step back and put my analysis hat on, I realize that the “answer-version” of myself is bullshit. So is the “pre-answer-person”. The answer-version was the truth at the moment it was shared, but right after that, it turned into a bullshit concept.
I love the question though. It’s an invitation to feel into what I want to do at the moment. I sense that the right move is to cling1 to the question instead of the answer. Feeling into it more, I realize that the sense of energy I connected to the answer-version of me might just as well be connected to the rush of fully showing up, no matter what that means at any given time.
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Now I feel a sense of relief, my stomach muscles relaxing. Sensing into the relief, I realize that I feel free. Focusing on becoming yesterday’s answer-version of myself felt like struggling, like trying, like shoulds. Realizing that I’m free to redefine myself at any time is liberating. This reminds me of the following exhortation:
"You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago." — Alan Watts2
If I just set an intention here I would forget it in about 3 days. As such, I’ve added it to my automated reminder system, and will “ask it to myself” every Sunday from now on.
I’ve read one Alan Watts book and hated it. I’ve added two quotes to this blog this far. When I googled the quotes to add attribution, both came from him. Funny.