I’m growing less certain. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to attempt to inspire or influence others. I keep realizing that I’ve been profoundly mistaken about basic shit. At the same time, I’ve learned a lot, and want to use writing as a way to process things.
On some level, I do want to influence people. I want people to read my blog, be inspired and think highly of me. Maybe invite me to cool places or introduce me to people I get along with. People sometimes approach me and tell me that they have found something I wrote useful - this is profoundly satisfying to me.
I could tell myself that I’m only writing for myself. This might be a useful mindset, but it would also be a lie. I could justify myself by pointing at the horde of people writing stuff they aren’t qualified to grapple with. Pure whataboutism. I could try setting up rules like “no generalizations” or “focus on what not to do” (=via negativa). I would forget these rules and fall short, most likely in this very post.
I’ll do it the hard way instead. No general rules. No excuses. I want to write, so I’ll do it.
[…]
I’ve been trying to follow that up with a reflection on something concrete. But I keep floundering. “Here’s a mistake I’ve made:” turns into confusion: maybe it’s good sometimes? Is it really a mistake?
Wanting to go on without rules or excuses felt great when I said it, but I think it might be my ego speaking.1 Maybe I need some framing to feel comfortable writing?
I have a candidate: “sharing in public”.2 Let’s hope it will unlock me. I want to write.
“Look at me not needing excuses”
sharing is a hippie thing where you take turns to open up and reflect on things you’ve been up to.
"I want to write." 💪