Self-sourcing sexiness
Secure your own vibe before assisting others
Category: Sex parties, reflections
The play party1 started 5 minutes ago. I am sitting on a mattress, trying to adjust to the situation. Most people have gathered in small groups. Some groups are tying each other up, others are having full-on sex.
Some people are standing at the edges of the room, looking troubled.2 A few are standing in corners, talking.3
I start feeling a bit bad about not being included in one of the sexually active groups.
My lover is nearby. I could’ve made things way easier on myself by grouping up with her.4 I consciously decided not to. It feels wrong to go to my lover out of fear of being excluded. Besides, I’m enjoying the challenge.
I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes.
I realize that I’m making a mistake in the way I relate to the situation. I have accepted a perspective where my sexiness is dependent on being included in one of the sexually active groups.
This way of looking at things blocks me from engaging with others. If I’m not in the mood, I can hardly expect others to enthusiastically include me in mood-dependent activities. When I’m hard on myself, I get self-conscious and withdraw from connection with others.
Getting into the right mindset is my own responsibility. The aliveness comes from Within. I sit down in an empty space and start stroking my arms, chest and neck playfully. I start enjoying the mood of the people around me. I get less self-conscious and notice other people doing the same thing as I do.
The moment I connect to my own inner sexiness, I’m approached by my lover. She asks me if I want to play. I can’t remember if my enthusiastic “yes” was verbal or not.
Play party= a social gathering where people engage in consensual and usually sexual activities, often within the BDSM or kink community.
I talked to one person that felt sad about not being included in one of the groups. The next day I talked to some more people, and this was a common thing. It’s usually men who are left out, and I think it’s reasonable to assume that men in general have a stronger sense of social pressure to “be successful”.
Casual conversation is frowned upon yet common
Many people seem to form groups based on prior connections, judging by the average TTP (time to penetration).