Outrage Bonding
Avoiding the Media-Outrage Cycle
I stopped following the news back when Trump (first?)1 got elected. The amount of attention put on a foreign election was staggering, with normal media saccades replaced by Monk-level single-mindedness. Trump was the permanent spotlight for months.
The media’s fixation on Trump had interesting downstream effects. My peer groups — normally a dynamic bunch — turned into a bunch of snide gossipmongers. Every day was Trump-day, with shared outrage being the primary source of connection. People scored points by retelling outrageous news, parroting hot takes and sharing edgy memes.
Focusing on judgment and outrage was unhealthy for me. I got addicted to the drama, allowing outrage to outcompete healthy forms of relating. I felt disconnected from my friends, got irritated more often, and had an increase in pessimistic thought patterns.
Around this time, I had a coworker who was always grumpy — always complaining about this or that. He was also quite old. I used to wonder if he had once been happier — but then practised grumpiness a lot. It takes some repetition to get to his level of mastery.
One day, the situation got too much for me. I decided that I didn’t want to become a bitter old man — and that I needed to disengage from the outrage-bonding going on in my social circles.
Having stopped following the news, the next step wasn’t hard — I made a hard commitment to not put energy into outrage-bonding. Whenever people started complaining together, I responded by:
Zoning out, ignoring the topic
Asking the group to shift the focus, explaining that I didn’t like the way outrage shaped my being
Walking away
At first, people didn’t like it. Bringing up the negative consequences of other people’s unhealthy habits is generally frowned upon — even if it’s done indirectly. If done in a judgemental way, it can be seen as a social manoeuvring move — a subtle claim that I’m better (more healthy) than others.
Luckily, I care little for social signalling games. I forged ahead — and managed to shift the group dynamics I interacted with. Sometimes, a strong-headed minority can have a lot of impact.
Now, shit is about to hit the fan. The US elections are scheduled for November, and the drama is already building. The news will turn increasingly single-minded, and you are likely to find yourself in outrage-oriented social contexts. You can choose to hand over your attention and mood to a drama-oriented culture war — or you can do your best to break free.
Come join me living under a rock, it’s cosy here.
I’m joking! I know Trump hasn’t been reelected, yet. I get news through conversations with friends, and know most important things early on — like covid, the Ukraine invasion, the Gaza conflict, etc.