On Death

Edgy takes for the 21st century

When I was around 6-7, I realized that I’m going to die.¹

I got a sinking feeling, my stomach dropping down like on a rollercoaster. I felt cold and numb, tensing up. And I felt a creeping anxiety, as if I was stuck in a room that is slowly filling up with water.

From this youtube video. Added an image because I’m going to do a sweet reference to this metaphor at the end of this article.

The reason I can describe this feeling so well is that it didn’t stop. I kept getting these thoughts and reactions, recurring existential dread.²

I know that the conventional wisdom is to find acceptance, enjoy things while they last, and maybe try to find upsides to death. Maybe even become a death-doula, supporting people through death. Or at least break through the no-death-zone imposed by modernity, witness a corpse or two, and get some solace in the naturalness of death.

There are also Epicurus's³ writings on death:

“When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain. The fear of death arises from the belief that in death, there is awareness.”

Or basically; you might die, but it’s gonna be ok. No suffering beyond this point!⁴ Wiehoo!

On some level, I think this makes sense. On another level: fuck the conventional wisdom. I’m choosing to embrace both the conventional wisdom and its antithesis. Let me give you a guided tour!

On the conventional wisdom

If you are stuck in a shitty spot, a very efficient way of coping mentally is by “finding the silver lining”, or seeing the beauty of the situation. Your reactions are rarely about the things themselves, but rather about your perspective of them. So these silver-lining hunting missions can help you form a new perspective, and maybe engage other parts of yourself that can handle thinking about death without producing the same painful emotional response.

It’s also a good thing to do this when the impending death is less acute, so you exposure-therapy yourself before shit hits the fan. A proper counterphobic death response would be picking up work in a hospice ward.

Part of why the conventional wisdom is so widely accepted/supported is because it’s a kind of wisdom status marker. Being in harmony with your own disintegration is seen as an enlightened trait, leading to all manner of spiritual bypassing⁵ when it comes to your death reactions. Whenever someone has a different take, it's very easy to demonstrate superior spiritual development by burping up one of the many clichés popular culture has downloaded into you.⁶

Conventional wisdom minus convention?

The arguments for death are generally really weak, and kind of bullshit. They can be disposed using a simple thought experiment. Imagine you live in a world without death. Given enough effort/coordination, you can work to make sure people start ageing and dying off.

Now, what arguments could you pose to get people to join your cause?

“Death would give life more meaning, by making us appreciate the time we have!”

“Death would improve equality, and create one thing that all humans have to submit to!”

“It would be great for population control!”

“It would give suffering people an out, allowing them to escape the torment!”

“It would give us some much-needed progressive reform by killing off all the conservatives!”

How many people would you convince to support your pro-death political position? My guess would be about 0 people. Or maybe a few misanthropic bastards.

Antithesis (fuck the conventional wisdom)

The antithesis to the conventional wisdom is as follows:

Death and ageing are horrible. Death rips apart relationships, removes competence from the population, and violates the primal urge to survive. Ageing slowly degrades people, making them less capable. Ageing comes with a host of painful conditions that gradually accumulate until you can’t take it anymore. This is a horror that afflicts 100% of the human population, all 9 billion people alive today.⁷

Our technology has developed in leaps and bounds, while our sentiments towards death are lagging behind. We might not be able to save the people alive today, but if we start now, might we lift this burden from our children? Can we reduce the impact of ageing, saving billions of people from having to face degenerative, age-related diseases?

Why do you treat death as a “natural part of life”? So was everyone dying of malnutrition and infection, until we solved it! This is a physiological/bio-chemical/medical problem, not some divine existential curse.

And yes, it is hard. But so what? We’ve done hard things before. Why is this the point where we sit down and give up? Maybe instead of resigning, you should rise to the challenge? Or at least celebrate the people that do?

My take

Going with the conventional wisdom is a way to reduce the suffering caused by your emotional response to your impending death. Going with the antithesis is a way to increase the likelihood that death itself stops being a problem.

Protecting yourself vs helping save humanity.

I’m inclined to try on both. I’ve done my fair share of exposure therapy, reducing the emotional impact of death. But I don’t want to be fine with it and sit back resigned. So instead I’ve signed up for cryonics. It’s a concrete first step I can take to spit death in the face. Actually doing something constructive is the first thing that has really helped my existential dread. Signing up for cryonics opened a window in the room filling with water.

I know it’s a small window, but it’s better than nothing.

Fuck death.

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P.S. No, I don’t want to force people to live for eternity (or until entropy takes us all). That’s fucked up in the other direction.

1. I went to my parents and told them about this. They said that god sometimes resurrects people. I asked them how that can possibly work if you get cremated, which most people get. Will god de-scatter the ashes?

2. If I had become an alcoholic, I might have made it as a depressed philosopher that committed suicide at too young an age. Recommended reading on the topic.

3. Epicureanism isn’t about indulging in delish snacks, no matter what “epicurean” is used for nowadays. It’s basically a form of tempered hedonism, hanging out with your friends, talking about life, avoiding drama-inducing sexual encounters etc. ‘tis an interesting philosophy.

4. Even though the process itself can be kinda nasty if I’m well informed.

5. spiritual bypassing is when you “force” ways of being that are seen as more spiritual, or when you pretend to be spiritual in ways you aren’t. Common in circles where being more spiritual is high status. A dick measuring competition that has come untethered from base reality. Mine is 1km long!

6. If you see death acceptance as a sign of maturity, please do the following thought experiment: If you live in a world without death, would you be as supportive of people promoting the introduction of death? Would that strike you as wise?

7. And all our ancestors! But maybe not all our descendants.