Book 1: Debts and Lessons
Reflections on the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius begins his Meditations by listing things he’s learned from others. The people he mentions all seem great! Marcus has only good things to share, seemingly able to learn something from everyone. Even the Gods were kind to him! Marcus thanks the gods for providing him with tolerable hardships, and for surrounding him with good people — “almost without exception”.
Wait a minute..!
The Roman pantheon doesn’t exist. No God decided to challenge Marcus in appropriate ways. Marcus’ appreciation is all about his state of mind. When Marcus is grateful to the “Gods”, he is engaging in Amor Fati — finding a way to appreciate life, no matter what happens.
Marcus seems to be doing the same thing with his relations. They certainly had character flaws,1 but Marcus writes only about their strengths. I’m impressed by Marcus’ ability to learn from the excellent qualities he sees in the people around him.
Marcus’ focus on the excellence of others reminds me of Stang’s concept of the “Divine Double”.2 A Divine Double is an ideal self, the most perfect version of who you can be. Instead of wasting time trying to find your “true self”,3 you can try to transform into your Divine Double. Imagining your Divine Double is an act of creation, setting a target to joyfully strive towards.
I find Divine Doubles to be a fitting metaphor for what Marcus engaged in. He saw the potential in others, witnessing their excellent character traits. In a sense, he saw their Divine Doubles.4
Your friends’ excellent character traits will become more prominent the more you focus on them. Experience is interpretation. By habitually focusing on your friends’ excellent character traits, you will start seeing their Divine Doubles.5 If you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, spending time with ideal versions of your friends seems like a reasonable idea.
Seeing the gold in your friends is a loving act. By cherishing their best sides, you can inspire your friends to unfold into more excellent versions of themselves.6 Your friends can return the favour, inspiring you to grow. Together, you can form a community of virtue.
Sidenote: Bypassing
Many people already have an idealised self, the persona they project onto social media. This highly curated version of themself never struggles, lives a great life, and is generally successful. Your social-media persona is not a good stand-in for a Divine Double.
It’s hard to grow if you shy away from things you are ashamed about. Pretending that your life is better than it is won’t help you grow as a person. Hiding your struggles is not the way forward.
Being honest about the things you deny is a crucial first step towards growing as a person. In “The Elephant In The Brain”, Robin Hanson outlines how humans lie to themselves in order to better lie to others — keeping a straight face is easier when you have plausible deniability.
Keeping up an idealized version of yourself online is easier if you repress things you are ashamed of. Thinking about shameful topics is unpleasant — in the short run, it’s easier to just ignore them. If you keep telling lies to other people, you will start believing them yourself.
Growth happens when you open up. When you make an effort to get real, you will start noticing things you’ve previously avoided. This will allow you to work on your issues. By opening up, you allow others to see what’s actually going on inside of you. Being authentic is a precondition for deep friendships.7 By opening up, you make it possible for other people to support you.8
When you start opening up, people will notice character flaws. This is ok. They will also notice beauty — all of your excellent character traits. These excellent character traits combine to form your Divine Double — an imaginal ideal self that is more fully you. With the aid of your friends of virtue, you can now go about embodying your Divine Double.
The seeds of your ideal self are hidden along with your shame. The ideal self you pretend to be is boring, get rid of it. Don’t use the concept of the Divine Double to avoid facing your issues.
Surrounded by Greatness
In the spirit of Marcus Aurelius, I want to end this post by reflecting on things I’ve learned from others.9
My Mother
To think outside the box and go my own way. To take charge when needed. To never complain or wallow in misery. To perform my duties carefully and efficiently.
To improve myself.
My Father
To follow my heart. To sing, and to value relationships.
That I’m appreciated.
Daniel
How to ask loving questions and see the best in people.
For being curious, appreciative and brave.
It was through Daniel I was introduced to the burner community.
Lisa
For being weird in ways I’m not.
For letting feelings flow, while not getting attached to them.
For encouraging me to ask for what I want.
For turning sex into a joyful celebration of life.
For meeting me with enthusiasm, openness and admiration.
For teaching me how to eat healthier.
Stenemo
To ask strangers for help. To question information from the internet. To express gratitude with an open heart.
To live life with ease and joy.
My Brother Merlin
That very little is needed to live a good life.
Artemis
Communication.
To ask friends for help when I need support. To take care of myself.
To keep track of what is mine, and what is up to others.
Letting go of rationalist tribalism, and being kind to hippies.
To navigate polyamory with skill.
To be aware of the seasons and how I’m affected by my environment.
For teaching me the power of perspective.
To go for what I want.
To favor action, and trying things out.
The nature of power, and how to navigate hierarchies.
To not get trapped by disconnected, soul-less concepts.
To connect with my inner power.
How to listen to weirdos.
My Conversation Partners
For helping me see things I’m blind to.
For suggesting new perspectives.
For cocreating my philosophy.
For helping me think.
I love helping my readers make sense of issues in their lives. I have slots open for most of February, you can book one using this link:
We can’t all be Cato
I picked this up from Johan Vervaeke’s “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis”.
Stang’s usage seems rather religious, I’m using the term metaphorically/playfully.
If you go looking for your “true self”, you will likely lose time and/or money to people looking to sell you an identity. Prime egregore infection vector!
I don’t claim he used this frame of reference for his actions
This requires having friends who want to grow and feel inspired by you seeing the best in them. I recommend finding such friends.
This also requires friends that you can trust. If you are surrounded by harmful people, putting on rose-tinted glasses might be ill-advised. Use common sense.
This does not imply judging the things you don’t like or being impatient with friends “not living up” to your standards. I’m simply suggesting encouraging beautiful potential.
Do you struggle with alienation — feeling like you never really connect with others? Try vulnerability. I can recommend circling, or some other kind of authentic relating.
Yes, it’s risky. Life is risky. Be courageous, unless you’re likely to be killed or something horrible.
This is not exhaustive by any means